his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
