you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
