so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
