I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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