Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
