You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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