When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
