I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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