We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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