An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
