Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
