I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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