Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
