Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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