This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
