we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
