so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
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