the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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