2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
