new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
