Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(347): View more from New York

tell your sister to shave her snatch

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(+61): View more from Australia

This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade

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(662): View more from Mississippi

After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.

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(707): View more from California

You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.

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(727): View more from Florida

The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.

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(312): View more from Illinois

I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.

(773): View more from Illinois

I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...

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(804): View more from Virginia

I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!

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(319): View more from Iowa

One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"

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(314): View more from Missouri

Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father

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