wakey wakey hands off snakey
someone get that fucking seahorse.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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