So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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