she woke up with a sticky ear
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
