He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
