Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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