well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
