She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
