when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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