The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
