I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
