Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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