i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
