This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
