He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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