Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
