Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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