Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
