If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
