Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
