she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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