He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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