Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
