Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
