Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
