There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I woke up under a house in Key West
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