And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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