I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
