I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
