I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
