I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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